Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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