I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
