i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
