I wish I could teleport
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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