I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
