I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
