I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
