omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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