I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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