Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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