it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
