I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
