alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
