I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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