Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
