those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
