I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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