what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
