So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
