dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Soap is not a condiment
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize