we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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