you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
