They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
