At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
