fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
