My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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