I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize