Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
