I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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