i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
