I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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