It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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