my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
