can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
