First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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