I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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