Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i came on her dog
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize