But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
