As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
