I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
