I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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