Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
