wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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