how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize