He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
