Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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