So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
