i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
