Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
