Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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