He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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