I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
