"it" just moved
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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