i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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