She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize