no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
