I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
