Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize