I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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