weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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