im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
