Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
