So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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