Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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