brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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