If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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