carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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