remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
