so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
