I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
