I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
