I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
