All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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