She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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