Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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