normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cut my penus on the lid.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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