I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my phone needs a breathalizer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
