Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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